The last few days I have been trying to figure out what I should write about on this site. It has been about a week since I posted anything. I was debating whether I should write some more about how I feel about attending Courage, about how I am concerned about certain things going on in my life or several topics I have been thinking about blogging about. The other day a friend of mine sent me an instant message with some horrible news. He informed me that his brother was killed this past weekend. It got even worst when he told me that it was his father whom killed his brother. I am not sure why this happened or about many of the details. All I really know is this is a horrific tragedy that my friend now has to go through.
So why am I writing about this? Honestly, I am not sure why I am. Maybe it is just to put all my thoughts about this out there for everyone to see. Maybe part of it has to deal with whenever I hear about things like this, it brings back memories of when my sister was killed. All I really know is writing this post is not easy for me.
I think the first thing I want to talk about is forgiveness. To me this is so important in dealing with losing someone. I am not a huge fan of the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, but I feel he did an excellent job describing forgiveness.
Whenever you are hurt by someone, you have a choice to make: Will I use my energy and emotions for retaliation or for resolution? You can’t to both.
Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior.
~ pg. 143 – The Purpose Driven Life
I think it is important to remember that forgiving someone does not mean we have to trust him/her or forget what he/she did. I know forgiving someone is not as easy to do as it is to say, especially when it comes to the death of someone you care about deeply. I also know that forgiveness does take time. It would be nice if we could just forgive instantly, as some people believe we should, but I do not feel this is always possible. Sometimes we need to let the anger and other feelings out so we can get to the point where we can forgive.
I remember when my sister died, a kid that I went to school with whom know Jeremy (the person that killed my sister) sister came over to the lunch table I was sitting at. I knew who he was because I knew his sister, but I do not think he and I ever talked to each other before this day or since. He came over and told me he was over at Jeremy’s house and that he had the newspaper laid out on the floor crying about what happened. This guy told me that I needed to forgive Jeremy for what he did to my sister because Jeremy was truly sorry for what happened. It took me years to forgive this guy that came over and told me this. I’m not really sure why it bothered me so much and why I couldn’t get over it as quickly as I should have, but for some reason it took me longer to forgive this guy then it did for me to forgive Jeremy.
Forgiveness is a necessary part of healing. Being able to forgive someone allows us to let out some or maybe all of that angry we hold inside. Only in forgiveness do we begin to heal and be able to start enjoying all the good things in life again. Forgiveness does not mean that we have to trust that person or allow him/her to have the same respect/friendship we had before, but it does mean that we do not stay angry with them.
I am going to end this post here, but I would just like to ask that everyone who takes the time to read this blog entry, please pray for my friend’s family. Pray for the son that was killed way to young (he was only 28). Pray for the brothers, mother and daughter he left behind. Also, pray for the father to be forgiven for what he has done because honestly I believe he needs it the most.