I have failed you

To all those that read this, please forgive me, I have failed you. For all those that have written to me in the last few months, I have failed you. For all those that I have looked the other way when I could have helped, I have failed you. For those I have hurt, I have failed you. To God, lately it seems that I have failed you.

Lately I have been struggling with live. With working more hours than I have ever had to work and purchasing my new house, I have seem to lose track of what is important in my life. First, I have failed to attend a Mass in over 3 months. Today I was thinking about this and how unstable my life has seemed to have become. My life seems to be more stable, happier when I attended Mass on semi regular bases. This is the longest length of time that I have not attended Mass since the period where I felt distanced from God. When I realized that it was really me putting the distance between God and myself, I was able to change things by attending Mass and praying on more regular bases. In fact, I really haven’t really prayed the Rosary in the last 2 months. Wow, how things can so quickly slip for me.

For those that have taken the time to write to me, I am sorry for not responding. I keep telling myself that I just have been too busy to do so. This is not true. I have found time to talk to people online that I had no business talking too. The time I was doing this would have been more productive and helpful if I would have been responding to your message. I would ask for your forgiveness, but at the moment I am not sure if I deserve that, for I have done very little to change things in my life (other than writing this).

For those that I have hurt, I am sure you will never read this, but if by some fluke you do, please understand that I have been struggling as of late. This has left me vulnerable to stray in a direction I had no business going. I would ask for your forgiveness, but again I don’t think I deserve this. Forgiveness should be giving to those that have made an attempt to make some type of amends, which currently I have failed to do.

I would like to say that I have made a plan to change the way I have lived my life these last few months, but honestly, I do not. I am planning on attending Mass either Christmas Eve or Christmas day, which I hope will be a step in the right direction. I keep telling myself I have to respond to all these emails I have received, but again, I do not have a set date on when I wish to have responded to everyone by. Maybe what I should do is just pick one message a day and respond to it until I am caught up. The only problem with that is gaining the courage to do just that. I feel like I have let so many people down as of late by not acting in a manner that you would be proud of.

I am going to finish this post like this. I have failed you time and time again. I have let you down more and more lately. Please know this was never my intent, but I do take responsibility for doing so. I am working on getting back on the correct path. I do believe that God will once again let me in the right direction; I just need to open my eyes and my heart to see and hear the direction I should have been going these last few months.

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4 Responses to I have failed you

  1. Mike says:

    Hey Joe,

    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2011,

    Mike.

  2. Cody says:

    Hey Joe,

    I want you to know that we all fail. We all struggle in life. We always seem that we are never going any where spiritually and that we never grow closer to God. Believe me, I feel the same way sometimes. We expect great changes in our lives as a sign to growing closer to God, but I don’t think that happens to most of us…
    You have my forgiveness because I want you to have it. Perhaps you don’t deserve forgiveness, but that is beyond the matter… the point is I want to forgive you. That is what God wants and does for us all the time!!! He forgives because he loves… and there is no stopping his love. Neither man nor beast can separate us from the love of God. I am the same way Joe…I ask myself how I can ever be forgiven for the wrongs I do… how can God ever forgive??? I’ve never figured that one out yet, but I know he does. You know we all have to be patient with ourselves and our sin. God is soooo patient with our sins, and we must not beat ourselves up about our sin. We can not think our sin light or not horrendous, but if we don’t TRY to pick ourselves back up out of our sin we are as good as lost. I don’t think God looks for successes… (he does notice them) but I think he looks to see if we TRY to live a good life. If we TRY not to sin, because inevitably we will fall. If we TRY to love God I believe he will think the world of us.

    As in the words of a good friend I have (paraphrased and possibly missing stuff): God is a passionate lover who seeks his beloved with all his heart and he never stops loving you.

    I don’t know what’s going on in your life Joe, but I pray, take courage and do not be disheartened. I am praying for you…and Hey just to share with maybe another way of praying… before you go to bed (or when you rise up) say thanks to God… just a heartfelt thanks to God for all he has given you. You don’t have to go into an elaborate litany of thanks (unless you want to:)… Just say “Thanks God for everything you have given me” (or something like that). Also I’m finding this makes me grow closer to God: thinking about God periodically during my day… it helps me keep the day focused on him.

    Good luck Joe!!! God is with you, even when you may not see him. God bless and Happy New Year!!! :)

    Yours Truly,

    Cody

  3. Jack says:

    Wow, talk about catholic guilt lol ;P

  4. Rick says:

    Catholicism is not a soothing religion. It’s a painful religion. We’re all gluttons for punishment.

    ~ Madonna

    My advice: no biggy, let it go :)

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