My #1 Challenge with being both gay and Catholic

There are many challenges to being a gay Catholic, but I think the biggest one I struggle with is balancing being gay with being Catholic. What I mean by this is these two things do not seem to exist in the same world. You have your gay scene, where being good looking, in shape, sexual, club hopping, drama queen, and much more. Then you have the Catholic world, where praying, going to Church, reading the bible, doing charitable deeds, and many other things.  Now I know that there are some gay people that do charitable deeds, read the bible and I know there are some Catholic individuals whom are focused more on clubbing and engaging in sexual acts.  But when you think of what being gay is and what being Catholic is, I think the descriptions I gave above match what the world sees these things as, or at least what I see them as or have experienced in my life.

What I struggle with is finding other gay people that have faith. Honestly, it is not just they need to have faith; it is just one’s that are not looking to meet me to either engage in sexual acts or looking for a relationship. What I would like to meet are people that are just looking to be friends. All right, I do want more than that. I would like those individuals to have a good heart, fun to be around, caring, willing to help out where they can, and just be a good person to be around. I would hope they would share some similar interest as I have, like sports, computers, traveling, music, movies, etc.

Maybe my problem is where I live. The only place I know to meet other gay people in the city I live in is the local gay bar. I am not too keen on meeting guys there. I was in Chicago recently visiting a friend and we went to a gay sports bar to watch the Chicago Bears game. I was surprised to see that many gay people that were into football. Where I live, I do not know really anyone that is gay that follows sports.

The other major problem I have when I go to places like the local gay bar is meeting the wrong people. I am a shy person, so I do not go up and start a conversation with anyone. I wait until someone comes up to have a conversation. This really is not the best way to meet people. Usually the people I do not want to talk do come over and start talking to me. This used to be a big problem for me, but lately not so much.  It’s not that these people have stopped talking to me, it’s just that I am much better at figuring out if a person is good for me to hang around or not.

What I am trying to figure out is how to balance the two worlds. It is not as though either world is really accepting of the other. It almost feels like one has to pick either being gay or being Catholic. It is very difficult to find that place in the middle where one is happy in life and can find a way to identify with both worlds.

So the quest for me now is really to figure out how to balance these two world. How can they somehow coexist in my life? Are there many gay people out there that believe in God and would accept me for having faith?

I don’t remember if I shared this story or not, but I was at the local gay bar a few years ago. This good-looking guy comes up to me and we have a conversation. After talking for a while, he asked me what I was doing the next morning (I think he wanted to come home with me) and I told him I was going to Mass. He kind of looked at me like he was shocked a person whom is gay was going to go to Mass. He then told me that he used to be Catholic, but he is not sure what he is now. How sad is that? A person whom lost his faith all because he was gay. I wonder if he would still have faith in God if there was either more role models for gay Catholics to show the youth that one can be both or if the Church did a better job at expressing its view on living a life being gay and Catholic. When I say views of living, I am talking about sharing how one can live their lives in a positive way, not just focusing on the negatives.

Are there others out there that struggle with the same issue? I know I have meet a few people through this website that I know struggle with this issue, but if you also struggle with this issue, do not be afraid to leave a comment or send me a message. I have found it easier to deal with this issue knowing that I am not the only one with this problem.

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2 Responses to My #1 Challenge with being both gay and Catholic

  1. Mikey says:

    It is not easy for many reasons; first, the life’s experience we have of the world, is through that reality of being gay (althougth many are trying to minimize it, it is an important aspect of your person, because it affect everything else from affection, love, friendship, interaction with others, and above all, it does have an impact on the level of happiness) We do not experience this life the same as someone who would be straight, because the world doesn’t revolve around gays.

    I’m of the conviction that gays are born gays, God love us just the way we are, it is what it is. It would be an insult to God to not love ourselves the way we are, but by trying to point out that because we’re gays, something is wrong with the way we are. God doesn’t make mistake. Love is love. Now, with the Catholic Church, I have been and seen many situations in which I was treated like a nobody only because of my sexual orientation. I do know that in general, gays are treated more harshly than with compassion and friendship. This cause those who are gays, to stay away from the Catholic Church and to not have the guts to stand up for their faith. But there’s something to not forget: 1) Jesus love us immensely, 2) wether or not a priest or some people in your parish doesn’t like gays, shouldn’t stop someone from being a Catholic and 3) it is about OURSELVES and JESUS, so if someone doesn’t like it, it is their problem. 4) you can still be gay and attending Mass, just keep to yourself. 5) You can be gay, Catholic and happy too. It is a cross and we need Jesus.

    About the gay scene, myself I’ve been to a gay bar for a few years. There were lots of drama of course, and because I was shy, I would stay at the cash bar mostly talking with the bartender, and waiting until someone would chat with me. Nobody followed or were into sport, but that didn’t bother me, I was more interested on the quality of the person I was talking with. But it is a very much world self-centered on itself, in which you always have to look cute, have the latest designers clothes, in top shape etc. It’s as if these guys are in a perpetual state of dating or should I say, hook up. And that is very sad, because a lots of important aspects of life is wasted here. Hooking up will cause trust issues with guys over time, it will lead to dysfunctional relations with others, and living life as if we’re detached from others and what is going on around us. This happens because most gays, didn’t develop or took care of the ability to have meaningful friends.

    But to conclude, it’s more about us and Jesus. It was never the gay scene or what others thought about us.

    We all need to be love, and loved. This is pretty much universal. We all need companionship to have a healthy balanced life. I don’t think I can live my life focused on me only. That would be depressing.

    I agree with you that if we want to find someone compatible, that share our faith – and let’s face it, I don’t want to deal with a gay that doesn’t like the fact I have faith and think I’m nuts – I don’t have the time for that, life is too short, it’s drama again. And my faith is very very important, it’s No.1, it is the reason why I’m here today.

    I’m sure there’s others gays Catholics around, but how important is it to them? Does it mean something? Do they pray? Faith does define a person, his action, the way they treat you, the intention of the heart (are they just horny or do they love you because you as a whole, because you’re a cool, interesting, fun, caring guy); Many gays lack social graces 🙂 too bad. Again, this is just my opinion.


  2. Mikey says:

    at the 4pm Mass today, I opened the Missal and I found this text out of a coincidence, it say:
    First Reading [Wisdom 1.13-15;2.23-24]

    God did not make death,
    and he does not delight in the in the death of the living.
    For he created all things so that they might exist;
    the generative forces of the world are wholesome,
    and there is no destructive poison in them.

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