It has been a while since I last posted a true blog entry. A lot has been going on in my life and I just have been trying to figure out what directions I really need to go in. I knew this year was going to bring many changes, but the changes that I thought would happen are not the ones that seem to be happening in my life.
A friend has recently moved in with me. This has been interesting not only because it has been a while since I have lived with anyone, but because I only have a one-bedroom apartment. This means she has to stay in the living room, which makes the day interesting with just trying to live a normal life. So far, it has not been so bad living with someone, but getting used to someone being here all the time is a little difficult. I was use to being able to come home and relax by myself. Now I walk into my apartment and there is someone here usually talking to her boyfriend online.
If you are wondering why she moved in, her family was going to evict her from her mom’s house. When this became known, a guy she was talking to online suggested she move in with him. He lives in England. Her plan now is to move to England once she gets her passport.
For me though, this is going to be difficult. She is one of the few people that I hang out with on a regular bases. While, she really is the only one I hang out with regularly. This does scare me that I will be alone, with no one to hang out with weekly. This is something that scares me, being all alone.
Personally, I think she is making a mistake by moving there. However, it is her life and I do not think there is anything anyone can say to make her change her mind. I think it is just one of those things she feels she has to do and will learn that it was not the best choice.
I have started working on a new website for a client. Things are going all right with it. It can be difficult for me to do these websites though. The reason for this is that I do not have the confidence in myself that I feel I need. I am sure though with the more I do this type of work, the more confidence I will gain in myself and I will be able to do it for a living.
Beside those two things going on, I have been kind of seeing someone. I do not really know where things are at between us though. We have not hung out in over two weeks. He works a great deal and this month is his extremely busy month. We do text each other almost every day though. Nevertheless, I must admit, it is very difficult to figure out where I want to go with this seeing that I do not see him. I do like him, but I do not know if I really want to be with someone that does not really have time to hang out with me.
On top of these confusing feelings, I have to consider what the Church teaches on how to live one’s life as being gay (or as they like to put it “having same sex attractions). I understand what the Church teaches, but for some reason my heart just does not feel that is the way I should live my life. It just seems like such a lonely life to go thought it alone, even though that is what I have been doing. I would like to share the rest of my life with someone.
I am not sure why these events have been going on in my life. I never thought my friend would move away, especially has far away as she is planning on moving. I also never thought I would meet someone that I have feeling for like I have this guy. It sucks that the guy I like just doesn’t seem to have time for me. I am not sure where these changes will take me in life, but all I know is that I have to keep praying for God to lead me in the right direction and show me the correct way to go. I just hope that He helps me figure out what direction I need to go in my life soon, this guy and my friend living are wreaking havoc on my emotions.