Wining a bit

Lately I have just been feeling lost, unsure of the direction I need to take in my life. At least that is the way it feels. Reality is I know what changes I need to make. I know that the path I am on isn’t the right one. I know as DMX in a song, “All I need to do is call Your name, Father”. But it always seems the path we should be on is the more difficult path. The wrong path appears to be more fun, less stressful, easier to manage. I do know these are all tricks to pull our eyes away from the real prize, the true being that we should be walking a path towards.

One area that I have really been struggle in is manage the amount of work I do in a week. Lately it seems that I have been working anywhere from 60 to 80 hours per week. Plus I have been working on getting my house ready for winter, getting the yard raked up, and little things around the house to keep it livable (like cleaning). I know I cannot continue going on like this for much longer, it is just too much for me.

Well, last week Thursday I decided to apply for a supervisor position at one of the places I work. The deadline was Sunday to turn in one’s application. I really never considered moving into a supervisory position there before. Honestly, even when I found out the last supervisor was being promoted; I never really entertained the thought of moving into this position. But I decided that I would give it a try because I am hoping to reduce the amount of hours I work at 1 job or maybe even quit a job so I can have more free time as well as have additional time to focus on growing my web design business. My thought was simply this, if I was able to get this job, I could manage reducing my full time job down to 3 days a week, do the supervisor job (it’s a part time thing), and have more free time to work on my business and maybe even have some time to relax.

It is now Wednesday and they have not even announced when they plan on interviewing people. So my thoughts now are even if they decide to interview me sometime within the next 2 days, I am not going to take the position. This may sound like not a good reason, but the last 2 nights I worked with the store manager and 1 night with the assistance store manager. Not one of them even said anything about an interview or even mentioned or thanked me for even applying for the job. Again, you may thing this is a poor reason have decided that I didn’t want the job, but the store manager went and spent 20 minutes talking to another co-worker about the job (she has no interest in the job). I personally think she would have been great for the job and part of the reason they want her to have the job is the recommendation from the previous supervisor (He didn’t recommend me because he didn’t think I would be interested in the job seeing I take a lot of days off and he knows about the business run).

Anyways, I know that may have sound like I was wining, but I think I just needed to get it off my chest and put it out there so it wasn’t eating me up inside. Plus writing it has also helped me better understand why not hearing anything from the management staff was bothering me. But I do think that position isn’t the right place for me to be at this time.

It is getting late and I do have to work in the morning (big surprise I know) so I am going to finish this post. I don’t know if I will find time to write on a more regular base soon or not. I would like too and well see I can make it happen. I am also in the works of moving the blog to a new server, so if you visit often, you may see the site down for a very short period of time as things are moved.

As always, thanks for taking the time to read what I ramble about. May God bless you!

Note: I was unable to post this on Wednesday, but was able to do so on Thursday.

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8 Responses to Wining a bit

  1. Harry Martin says:

    I personally find the sense of uncertainty of direction is both fatiguing and stressful but I have also grown to appreciate it is also the path of faith. To share our love for Christ and His Kingdom as well as our other longings is an affirmation of our need and call to follow the Shepherd of our souls. May the Shepherd’s nail-scarred hands lead you in His way of love and peace.

  2. Raul Miguel says:

    Joe, I ask that you not read too much into this, but I really wish I could invite you out to dinner. (Lol) I’d only propose that so as to allow you to air out with someone, face to face, the kind of stuff you’ve described above. Of course, that’s realistically not gonna happen, seeing how many States apart we are. But at least you have this online forum to vent, and while it may seem like “whining,” I commend you for not keeping all this inside you. In that sense, you may be doing much better than I’d been lately.

    On my part it seemed that, for a while, the individuals with whom I’ve been in regular contact had suddenly distanced themselves, and I was reluctant to try to keep reaching out over concern that I myself would come across as whiny and a nuisance. My mom was probably right when she once described me as the type of personality that prefers to keep things bottled up inside in order to not bother anyone else.

    The things that have been weighing on my mind since before Thanksgiving are probably the reason why I’ve been waking up at 2 or 3 am just about every night the past few weeks. While I don’t feel at liberty to share the details (especially seeing how you have enough on your plate as it is, Joe), it’s certainly not bad news; still, it’s been enough to leave me reassessing my future. But perhaps one good result of my insomnia is that it’s become my opportunity to pray to God repeatedly in the darkness and silence, asking Him in a type of ongoing novena to guide my steps, to help me see my goals fulfilled or at least clarified.

    I’ve even continually dared ask two particular saints up in the heavenly realm to fervently intercede on behalf of those concerns and petitions of mine. Perhaps I’ll be seeing those prayers answered gradually, because now that I think about it, I was surprised to find one friend of mine, whom I’d not spoken with for some time, inviting me over. That ended up being my chance to let him know some of the ideas I’ve been mulling over as to what vocational and geographical changes may yet occur in my life.

    Please know that when I visited a church out of town just this third week of Advent, I inwardly offered up the Mass for your sake, Joe, that our God would yet extend its graces and fruits to you. I wasn’t sure how exactly to pray on your behalf, but it was my belief (and still is) that God could certainly make up for my deficiencies, since He would know far better that I do what you’ve been most in need of at this point in your life. 🙂

  3. Raul Miguel says:

    Joe, this was rather neglectful of me, but up to now I’ve not offered you my Season’s Greetings, so I want to do so before you likely get even more occupied these upcoming days. I’m wishing you an awesome Christmas weekend and, in case I don’t get the chance, a Happy New Year! If you get to travel to visit family and/or friends during this time, stay safe! — Peace, Raul

  4. Bent Benny says:

    I came across your blog and found it interesting.

    You might like to add the soho gay masses to your links – it’s a fortnightly catholic mass held at warwick street church in london organised by the diocese of westminster as part of their ministry to the LGBT community, their family and friends.

    Secondly, I’d advise you to be very cautious of the courage network that supports the ‘ex-gay’ therapy movement which is not supported by any credible psychiatric or psychological professional association. Objective peer reviewed scientific research has shown it is not effective in removing same sex attraction and can be harmful to the mental health of those who undertake their so-called treatment. In fact many of the leaders have been exposed recently as being involved with male escorts.

    a happy catholic well wisher

  5. eb says:

    I seem to have stumbled into this website. For all those lost in the fog, remember.. God does not make mistakes. I use to think homosexuality was a sin, a damnation where the road only points to hell and misery. Illumination came to me after asking our blessed Lord in prayer about being gay. I struggled for a decade coming to terms with myself and suffered alone. Our Lord made me realize that in the end.. The most important thing you can do is to Love. Love one another, love God, and love self.

    Far to many individuals are eager to cast the stone. Our Lord does not, and our lives will ultimately be judged on our love. Our Lord already said the greatest commandment but further prayer about loving oneself is to respect dignity of yourself and others. To keep it short.. Gay is not a sin nor an abonination. It is the way our Divine Lord made you. You are special and unique. Praise God!

    One problem with the gay community is our attraction to lust rather than love. As advocates of love, teach our fellow beings to love first and not lust. Respect our bodies, means not to live a life of chastity but to not live a life of wanton sex with many partners. Do you love someone? Or do you lust for many and only to fullfill the desires of your flesh wiithout respect for your body or others? Find a partner to love, ask God to help you. Thankfully for me, God did find me one. Not a day goes by that I am reminded to pray and praise.

    I am no saint. I am a Gay person who still does his best though a times fail to Love. I confirm God’s love for us all and not his wrath as pthers would lead you to believe. So i ask you to talk to Him as friend, a very good friend and He will come to your aid. Above all remember that He is Holy.

    EB – i love ixoy3!

    Ty for reading. my thoughts were rushing faster than I could type!

  6. Điêu says:

    i’m gay catholic too, living in Viet Nam. i wish makefriend with everybody

  7. Điêu says:

    who can teach English for me? please Pm in yahoo: boysecretary

  8. Ted Lorenz says:

    I understand the stress and difficulty of being gay and trying to be Catholic. You are in a real bind. The Church says that in being gay, you are inherently disordered. If you try to express love to another man, the Church says, you are committing a grievous sin. Most of the organized “christian” churches treat you the same way. You might consider thinking of yourself as Christian rather than Catholic. I believe Christ welcomes you where the Catholic church does not. For my own part, if I am honest and true to myself as a gay man, the Catholic church’s (and most churches’) teaching make no sense at all and are in fact inhuman.

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