To all those that read this, please forgive me, I have failed you. For all those that have written to me in the last few months, I have failed you. For all those that I have looked the other way when I could have helped, I have failed you. For those I have hurt, I have failed you. To God, lately it seems that I have failed you.
Lately I have been struggling with live. With working more hours than I have ever had to work and purchasing my new house, I have seem to lose track of what is important in my life. First, I have failed to attend a Mass in over 3 months. Today I was thinking about this and how unstable my life has seemed to have become. My life seems to be more stable, happier when I attended Mass on semi regular bases. This is the longest length of time that I have not attended Mass since the period where I felt distanced from God. When I realized that it was really me putting the distance between God and myself, I was able to change things by attending Mass and praying on more regular bases. In fact, I really haven’t really prayed the Rosary in the last 2 months. Wow, how things can so quickly slip for me.
For those that have taken the time to write to me, I am sorry for not responding. I keep telling myself that I just have been too busy to do so. This is not true. I have found time to talk to people online that I had no business talking too. The time I was doing this would have been more productive and helpful if I would have been responding to your message. I would ask for your forgiveness, but at the moment I am not sure if I deserve that, for I have done very little to change things in my life (other than writing this).
For those that I have hurt, I am sure you will never read this, but if by some fluke you do, please understand that I have been struggling as of late. This has left me vulnerable to stray in a direction I had no business going. I would ask for your forgiveness, but again I don’t think I deserve this. Forgiveness should be giving to those that have made an attempt to make some type of amends, which currently I have failed to do.
I would like to say that I have made a plan to change the way I have lived my life these last few months, but honestly, I do not. I am planning on attending Mass either Christmas Eve or Christmas day, which I hope will be a step in the right direction. I keep telling myself I have to respond to all these emails I have received, but again, I do not have a set date on when I wish to have responded to everyone by. Maybe what I should do is just pick one message a day and respond to it until I am caught up. The only problem with that is gaining the courage to do just that. I feel like I have let so many people down as of late by not acting in a manner that you would be proud of.
I am going to finish this post like this. I have failed you time and time again. I have let you down more and more lately. Please know this was never my intent, but I do take responsibility for doing so. I am working on getting back on the correct path. I do believe that God will once again let me in the right direction; I just need to open my eyes and my heart to see and hear the direction I should have been going these last few months.